Private Eating My Wings

[Carradine]

Crown's Hold
Five Years Ago
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​

"Another impeccable piece of work, Carradine. The Kingdom of Altalusia thanks you for your service—once again."

Carradine’s smirk came unbidden, curling at the corners of his mouth. Praise always amused him—especially when it came from the mouths of nobles who hid behind masks and candlelight, speaking as if their hands were clean. They never came themselves. Instead, they sent their liaison: a faceless figure in silk and shadow, standing in for the gleaming halls of the Blade Tower.

The real power spoke from afar, but the filth of their orders landed squarely on his blade.

"Yes," Carradine drawled, arms folding across his chest as his eyes shut in a slow, mocking blink, rolling them beneath his lids. "I'm sure they do." His voice carried the edge of a scoff. "I take gratitude in stacks of a hundred—no fewer than seven."

He opened his eyes again, watching as the figure counted out the gold with careful fingers. The performance was tiresome. A charade. Surely even this veiled representative knew it. To rule was to kill—whether by decree or by dagger. Would the people of Altalusia truly be shocked to know their rulers paid men like him? Hardly. Carradine wagered they'd be more surprised to learn they didn't.

"Seven hundred, as requested," the figure said at last, pushing the neatly bound stacks forward with a quiet clink. A silent tilt of the head followed, urging Carradine to claim his reward.

But he didn’t move. Instead shaking his head slowly.

Both guards flanking the table shifted at once, hands falling to weapons, boots scraping forward. Tension flooded the small room—but the masked noble raised a hand, halting them with a single motion. "Your additional... requests... have been sent to your home," the liaison said. "Even so, I’ve been instructed to remind you of your station, Blackbird. You are gifted, yes—but not irreplaceable. Do not make yourself more trouble than you're worth."
Carradine couldn't help but balk, reaching out and plucking the stacks one by one off of the table and placing them neatly in a leather pouch affixed to his belt. "Mmm, the next time a brazen little Viscount attempts to organize a coup upon the Sovereign with a few dozen fanatics at his back, I'll let the duty of defusing the situation fall to the other assassin you have capable of such a feat. What was his name again? Ser Imaginary?"
He didn’t need to see the noble’s face to feel the tension spike behind the mask. The grinding of teeth was almost audible. This conversation was done, and Carradine had far better things to do than poke and prod at a silk-swaddled sack of privilege all evening. The slender frame of death on legs turned on his cursed heel with the soundless grace of a man who'd never had to run, exiting with an almost mocking wave back to the Noble, The Guard, and the Crown itself. Insolence and Farewell.

They’d come crawling back soon enough, more gold in hand, another name for his ledger of the dead. But that could wait.
As he stepped into the fading light of a dreary spring evening, the dim gray glow settling over the cobbled street, Carradine clicked his tongue against his teeth with a scowl. The sun was setting behind thick clouds, and he was late.

She hated waiting on their dates.

@Leysa

 

[Leysa]

Crown's Hold was a neverending source of arts and entertainment, at least to her, that one never had to venture far to find something captivating an audience.

This time, she had made to pause in her wandering and waiting, entranced by the fable being performed with marionette puppets. It had been intended for children, to tell them of the story every little one would grow up hearing. The tale of The Hungry Bear and the Lance. In fact, Leysa had read it many times herself, and then to her younger siblings when they would fuss in their cots. She could claim it to be a favourite given how familiar the story was to her, but Leysa would recall upon it fondly.

"The bear, readying himself to sleep through the winter, was an excellent swimmer!" The puppet of the bear crawled to the swaying fabric that represented the current. "And on his journey home, he happened upon a feast of fish!"

But in the tale she could recall, the Bear had been tracking another scent. The scent being of the Lance, a man weary and bloodied from battle and lost on his way back home. She would bet ten golden crowns that this story would have the ending she told her siblings, that both the Bear and the Lance could not withstand anymore delay to returning home, and that being the end of it. No, Leysa knew the more riveting tale of a man relying on instinct to survive and the bear's hunger to be sated.

She looked around again, eyes searching for his.

@Carradine had been the one to tell her this version. Had even bought her the book that told it when she insisted he was wrong, and now, Leysa liked this version of the story she knew so well. Better now.

 

[Carradine]

"How carelessly they dilute the tale. I'm wounded, really."

Her eyes could search and search for the familiar glint she knew so well, but she would find no match among the throng enchanted by the childish theatrics on display. It was his voice, low and near, breath warm against the back of her neck, that betrayed his presence before his arms slipped around her waist, drawing her back against his chest.

The familiar, pleasant scent of oaken cask mixed with the punch of smoke baked into his coat surrounded her.

"Gotcha."

Carradine would’ve made a poor assassin indeed if he were so easily seen. Leysa, adept at keeping a low profile in her own right, was always excellent practice.

“They trade the lesson for a happy ending,” he murmured, the curve of a smirk audible in his voice as his chin came to rest gently on her shoulder. “Telling children that the monsters who want to end you will simply give up and go home... reckless, at best.”

There was no mistaking the amusement in his tone, the lofty, yet chipper words of a man thinking himself better than those he spoke of. “What this kingdom needs is a bit of honesty. Children raised to fight for their lives, not cradle illusions.” The idea of a familial structure, elders who supported and helped you to thrive, it was all quite foreign to Carradine. All that he'd earned had been by his own hand, not from his useless hedonist of a mother or his self-aggrandizing father.

"Mm... But you didn't come all this way to listen to me whine about today's youth." Carradine murmured with a quiet chuckle, pressing a fleeting kiss to the side of her neck before slipping away from her warmth. His fingers found hers with practiced ease, lacing them together as he stepped into view, gazing down at her with a softness rarely seen in someone so bitter and shadow-wrapped as the Blackbird.

"I also doubt you came to watch puppets with me, my love. Come, before the day escapes us."
@Leysa

 

[Leysa]

His voice startled her at first, but the moment his arms found home around her, Leysa's heart began to race for another reason than fear. Her own hand went to cross her front and hold his arms close, as if he would free her so suddenly after finding her. Her head rested at his chest, before angling to look up at him with a winning smile.

"I am glad I know the real story." That he had told her of it many times until she was confident to repeat them.

She let him go, trying her best not to pout at the absence of warmth he had brought her by embracing her. Still, she turned at the sound of him inviting her to move on about their day. Her hand was quick to find his, liking how it felt to have their hands clasped together. Leysa drew up her other hand, fingers curling around the crook of his arm and leaning into him slightly as she allowed him to guide them about the city.

"You were late, my blackbird." She murmured with a smile. "You remember what payment must be made when you are late?" It was something she had decided upon a fortnight ago, when they had found a rooftop to climb atop and watch the stars glimmer in the night sky. Leysa had declared that she would take payments in the style of sweets or trinkets, and denied wholeheartedly that it were most certainly not her way of swindling more sweets.

 

[Carradine]

He didn’t bother to hide his scoff. Typical Leysa — a reprimand before so much as a smile. With her, there were never honeyed words without honey candies; he’d learned that the hard way. “Your nobility is showing, love,” he drawled, steering them out of the current of the crowd and into the quieter arteries of the city.

His thumb traced idle lines along her arm, a casual intimacy that belied the sharp angles of his reputation. Those dark, heavy eyes of his barely bothered with the road ahead — they were too busy drinking her in. “Chastisement and demands right from the start? Are we lovers, or are we dignitaries negotiating a treaty?” His smirk carried both mockery and a strange, unshakable warmth. "Suppose that would put us in range of a rather large table..."

The narrow lane opened to a confectionary whose gaudy sign and cloying sweetness seemed almost offensive in the cool, grey air. He had planned to indulge her sweet tooth regardless; arriving late only made it an obligation instead of a surprise.

“How long do we have today?” The question came low, almost muttered, a sober reminder that they weren’t supposed to be here at all. His grip on her arm tightened just a fraction, as if holding her might hold back the clock. “It’s been weeks, Leysa… and after the mess I just cleaned up, I need all of you I can get.”

Their bond hadn’t been planned. Carradine had always kept his women at arm’s length, feelings buried beneath ice and steel. But Leysa… she was different. Something in her voice, in the way she looked at him, cooled the fire in his blood, the same fire that only the spilling of crimson had ever tempered before.

A simple protection job had turned into conversation. Conversation into flirtation. And now here he was, slipping through her window every week or two, less the feared assassin and more a reckless boy chasing something dangerous and sweet. His own candy, he supposed.

The owner of the confection shop recognized Leysa from a distance, waving the pair of them over with a wide smile and that trilling singsong voice of hers.

"Well, if it isn't my favorite customer! Come on over, I have something special made for you today!"

@Leysa

 

[Leysa]

"I have to be back by dawn. That is when Obie said he can keep the maids away from my door." Oberon was a guard that took the overnight watch of her door when her family takes up residence in their home. Despite there being plenty of guards on the perimeter, her father had decided it was always best to leave a last line of defense. Obie had been someone she trusted over the years, as the older man made the effort to make her feel comfortable to approach him.

Other guards simply kept silent and followed her.

"Besides, if I can manage some hours of rest before then, I would be most grateful." She gave him a sheepish smile. "We are to attend the parade after before luncheon."

But Leysa's attention snapped to the voice she knew. A smile was there on her face, ready to greet Elle. "And that is exactly the reason why I insist on making my weekly visits!" She grinned. Her father had told her to not eat so many sweets, but Leysa did not dare listen to a man that promises to stop taking his cigars every time he had one smoking. She had given Elle so much business that she could now afford to run from a shop and not a market stall.

"My blackbird was late again today." She shot him a grin as she paused outside the door to the shop.
"So I will be taking my time to peruse your wares and pick a worthy consolation prize." Leysa lifted a hand to pretend to pinch his cheek.

 

[Carradine]

Carradine’s smirk tugged wider at the corners when she made her mock pinch, but he tilted his head away just enough that her fingers caught air.

“Careful, dove,” he muttered, eyes glinting with mischief, “pinch a man in public and folk will start thinking we’re respectable.” His thumb brushed once more against the inside of her arm before he stepped ahead to hold the shop door for her, ever watchful eyes pointed toward the streets behind them as she followed Elle inside.

The bells above the frame chimed, the warm scent of sugar and honey spilling out into the street. He leaned close enough for his words to be hers alone. “If Syr Obie knew the sort of trouble you find between dusk and dawn, he might just lock that door from the outside.”

Carradine lingered just a step behind her, watching as she moved among the bright jars and delicate confections with the casual familiarity of someone who had already decided half the stock was hers. He'd never had much of a taste for sweets himself, but he could appreciate the way simply being in such a deliciously scented place made her skin glow with joy.

“You know,” he murmured, hands tucked behind his back, “if you’re set on a worthy consolation prize, I’ll save you the trouble of choosing.” His gaze swept the shelves, though it was clear from the soft pull at his mouth that he wasn’t looking at the sweets. “And you’ll have it before dawn… though it may not be made of sugar.”

Before he got himself into too much trouble, he laughed, leaning back against the door to prevent any other patrons from interrupting her.

"Honestly, though. A parade? They will find any excuse to busy you, won't they? What occasion have they concocted this time?"

@Leysa

 

[Leysa]

Her dark eyes watched him as she trailed slowly through the shop, but her lips curled into a smile. "Confectionery is the only prize I am after at this moment." But Carradine was always a temptation. It was what began to draw her to him from the start.

Leysa continued to peruse, searching for her favourite among the carefully put together boxes of chocolates on the low tables. "We are to be attending the parade with another family. They have a son, one my father would like me introduced to." She hated saying it, but Leysa also knew there was no use in hiding it from Carradine. It always sounded better to come from her, to never let him find out by any other means. There was no lies between herself and him.

"He has no title, but his family own a lot of farmland and come from old money. Not a strong contender as a suitor, but I know my father would like to see his children marry the children of his friend..." Her tone was bored, not interested in the meeting at all.

Drawing to the main counter, where Elle was busy putting together a box of sweets and pastries for Leysa, she turned to lean against the bench. "What was your idea of a consolation prize, blackbird?"

 

[Carradine]

He.

Another suitor. Carradine made an admirable attempt to swallow down the loathing that burned its way up his throat. It was to be expected, that a woman of Leysa's status and beauty be peddled to other such nobility. It was something Carradine had taught himself, painstakingly, to tolerate.

But the caliber of men that her father found for her, he could not abide. To even imagine matching a being so vibrant as Leysa with a pathetic dust-blooded farmer was insulting enough, but Carradine had, against Leysa's wishes, personally vetted some of her previous suitors as well. Corrupt aristocrats, violent drunkards concealed in the clothes of the wealthy, weak and timid boys coasting on mommy and daddy's money.

Dirt beneath Carradine's boot. But he was both a killer and a bastard. Even a peasant working the mills would be given blessing by Leysa's father before him.

She'd not meant to upset him, though, and he tempered the dark thoughts that shadowed his face as she changed the subject.

"Oh I'm sure you could figure it out." As if he didn't already stand out in this bright, sweet-smelling shop, his tone took a tone low and dangerous, thin lips curling into an devilish grin. "It's been so long since you've gotten into trouble with me, and since you have to be home by morning, I figure we should keep ourselves entertained... So long as you don't mind breaking a few rules."

@Leysa

 

[Leysa]

Leysa chuckled, making her way towards him on slow steps. She lingered before him, staring up at him with an amused expression. "Oh? Rule breaking? I do not think I am the one for such a task." Her eyes gave away her mischief. She had been sneaking out of her rooms and family's home to steal every chance she could get to see Carradine. Had feigned illness when she could just so that he could sneak at her window and stay a while.

Despite how innocent they have been so far, all at Leysa's pace, she was beginning to wonder if she should take the chance...

She lifted herself onto the tips of her toes, her poise well balanced as it should with her experience dancing. Leysa turned her face upward, to warm his bottom lip with her own breath.

Elle cleared her throat. Leysa fell back onto her feet, looking about, and saw some faces looking in through the shopfront window. No, not a place to steal kissed. She gave the shop owner a grateful smile before resuming choosing her sweets. Carradine would follow. The Blackbird was like a shadow to her dove like grace. Leysa flitted over to the sugared lemon drops.

"You have me intrigued." She offered him instead of a kiss. Glancing over her shoulder, she saw the curious faces leave the window, but still she did not turn fully to take that kiss she wanted from him. Noble ladies held a decorum in public, and with that reminder so clear to her now, Leysa would not dare to take another chance any time soon.

 

[Carradine]

If there was any indication as to how the assassin truly felt about Leysa, it was held within that moment. Carradine held no illusion as to what had initially drawn Leysa to him: He was an escape, a hint of danger in a world carefully constructed by her family to be far too safe. That he was the embodiment of risk, however, did not change who she was. An innocent woman, of pure blood and warm heart.

Even as she sauntered over to him, that adventurous spirit inside of her tempted by his teasing words, lifting herself to her toes and bringing her face only inches from his, her breath beckoning him to lean forward and claim her lips as his own while she was present and willing...

He restrained himself, slipping his hands behind his back, and smiled.

Of course, he wished for more. These brief moments between them, flashes of longing and moments of tension, had been happening more and more often now. If Leysa were any other woman, Carradine would have bedded her by now, as well as made her accomplice to any number of punishable offences all in the name of a good time.

But he had fallen in love with Leysa as she was. To coerce her to do otherwise, to force her to do anything that she was unprepared for, would have compromised that which made her special.

Still, he couldn't help but turn and scowl at the peanut gallery watching them through the window. His snarl was enough to make a few of them scuttle away, much to Elle's obvious chagrin. Bah, they'd get their turns, why did they feel the need to interrupt?

"Yes, well... Maybe you'll be in more of a mood to discuss on a fuller stomach." He stepped away from the door, allowing it to open as a bevy of waiting customers began to file in, all with choice looks for Carradine, who quietly stepped to shadow Leysa closely. "All the crowds we've been coming across, I think some privacy would do us well."

@Leysa

 

[Leysa]

Her heart had taken on a new fluttering, battering soft wings against the ribs the kept the beating thing caged. She wet her lips, dried from shaky breaths as she had gotten lost in Carradine, but now with other people milling about, Leysa cleared her throat and picked things at random before approaching Elle.

"Stolen kisses are meant for private places, Miss Caretarius." Elle stifled a smile, poorly. She began to pack the chosen sweets into a box, wrapping it close with a wide ribbon of a sunset pink shade. "You know, my offer of the lake house is a real one. Should you wish to take your Blackbird somewhere..."

Leysa's cheeks burned. "Not now. Elle, you are devious."

She knew Carradine would hear, he always heard every breath she gave. Turning her head, she peered at him standing at her periphery. "One day. I just... have to plan for people to not miss me." A ruse, a plan, one that will account why she was not attending court in Crown's Hold. Besides, she wanted to see what Carradine had planned for them tonight.

A shiver went down her spine as she reached for the boxed sweets.

 

[Carradine]

Carradine tilted his head as Elle slid the ribbon-tied box across, his smile breaking slow and crooked. Leysa reached for the it, her slender fingers brushing against the satin ribbon. Carradine stepped closer, the whisper of leather from his boots betraying his movement. The air between them tightened, all sugar and heat, until his shadow stretched over her, words low and subtle.

"A lake house? First I've heard such an offer." His lips purred in her ear, and his hand slid to rest atop hers on the box of sweets. "One day, you say. Careful, dove… sounds dangerously like a promise. I've a good memory when it comes to those."
There was mischief in his tone, but it lingered with that rough edge of truth, just sharp enough to make her pulse quicken. His gaze lingered on her blush longer than it should have, drinking it in as though it were finer than the sugared sweets she’d chosen.

When her fingers closed around the box, Carradine tapped the ribbon lightly with a gloved knuckle. “Sunset pink suits you,” he quipped, before adding with mock solemnity, “though it’s going to make me look ridiculous carrying it. I’ll expect compensation.”

He stepped back at last, slipping easily into her shadow again as Elle served the next customer. His arms folded loosely across his chest, but his eyes stayed on Leysa, following her every movement with that same silent amusement.

"Come on then," he hummed, voice pitched low and smooth as he opened the door for her to exit. "I think we've subjected your friend to enough of this for now, and the day isn't growing any younger."

@Leysa

 

[Leysa]

It was much better outside, for the fresh air was not as sweet and would stick inside her lungs. She took a deep breath, something much needed to clear her mind after Carradine's whispered words at her ears.

Her eyes fell to his hand, the lightly painted box with the soft shade of pink ribbon were bright against his shades of shadow attire. It made her look like the sunrise to his darkest hour before dawn.

"I was going to tell you about the lake house... Only I was afraid what you would... expect of me offering it." They were walking back into the crowd, and excuse that she could stand close to her supposed guard. Carradine's features did tend to part the people, but Leysa had to pause many a time to allow someone to cross before her. "I know... that I get your hopes up. I do not think that I am..."

Ready.

Leysa always ended with a panic anytime she thought she was, and it made her frustrated that she could not do this one simple thing. Carradine always assured her he would wait, however long. That only brought upon guilt, a balance so vicious that Leysa tried to push away any of these problems in her day to day by drinking at luncheon and sleeping off the buzz from the bubbly.

 

[Carradine]

Carradine let out a quiet chuckle under his breath, not mocking, but fond. It was just the kind of thing he’d expect her to say, the kind of gentleness that slipped through even when he teased her. That was what he cherished most: her ability to temper his rough edges without ever trying to blunt them.

“What am I supposed to say to that?” he murmured low enough to keep it between them, his gaze flicking sidelong toward her as they wound their way through the narrow alleys leading back to the main roads. “I’d be a fool to give you grief for it, wouldn’t I?”

The simple fact that she felt the need to reassure him was concerning enough.

Just before they stepped out into the noisy swell of the midday market, Carradine halted and turned, stepping into her path. His hand rose, fingers brushing beneath her chin as he tilted her face up until her eyes caught his.

“Leysa.”

The way he spoke her name held nothing of the cold cynicism the world knew him by. It wasn’t the Blackbird who looked at her then, it was Carradine, stripped of his hungers, of his greed, of every sharp edge he showed to others. Leaning down, he closed the distance and kissed her lips, a fleeting press both deep and aching, though heartbreakingly brief.

When he drew back, his voice was blunt, as ever, but there was no mistaking the sincerity in it. “I’m not here because I’m waiting for you to spread your legs. Teasing you over it? A little, sure. And yes… I want you. I ache for you.” His eyes shut for a moment, as if weighing his words, before he gave a slight shrug.

“But I’d rather never touch you that way than risk you resenting the time we share.”

@Leysa